Motherhood

It's inevitable. That time in every day where all you hear are tears and whines. All you really want to do is throw any object you can get your hands on at the wall and lock yourself in a quiet room for the rest of the day.

It's that time in every day when I'm hungry meets I'm tired meets I'm not getting my way meets Mama needs a break! Don't we all know that time?

In days gone by, I would place my child in "baby jail", better known as a crib or pack 'n play, and take 5 minutes to brew a cup of coffee, watch a segment of a soap opera, or step outside and catch some fresh air. But now that my little one is much too big for my jail cells, where do I get to go for 5 minutes of sanity?

If I go into the bathroom, she'll simply follow and open the door! If I lock the door, she'll bang on it and yell until I open it! If I tried to step outside, she'd put her shoes on and follow me! As they get older, it is getting harder and harder to escape!

Then I feel like a bad mom for wanting to get away and not treasuring every single moment that I have while these years are upon us. I know that one day I will look back and wonder where time went. I already do. But just like high school was supposed to be the best years of my life but weren't, I have to think that these years aren't really the ones I want to be remembering! Won't I look back on my children's lives and want to remember them as the cute, cuddly babies they once were and the well-behaved, studious, God loving children they are to become?

Who am I kidding with that one?!?!? Chances are my years of tears, back talk, and misbehaving are no where near over! And if you want to be one of those moms who says that your child never back talks or throws a fit in the drugstore because you won't buy them one of those stupid, overpriced toys that they insist on putting in the baby aisle, well, you're lying.

If my kids are anything like me, they will be giving me grey hairs until they are well into their 20's! So I might as well just take a deep breath, and accept the fact that until my children are all old enough to think that seeing me undressed is gross, I have not one room in my house that is private!

And until all of my children are grown and gone, I'll spend all day wishing for some alone time, and all night peaking into their bedrooms to see if they are still awake for just one more kiss.



Motherhood.

Dreams

Oh, how little ones can just make your heart swell! It was our first day of ballet school today, and I had to drag that little ginger out of the studio crying! She would have stayed all day if I had let her! Lucky for her, a friend of hers takes a tap class on the same afternoon, and next week is bring a friend to class day, so she will get to go to two classes!

I remember being that little girl. I remember being convinced that one day I would be a famous ballerina. Or maybe a country singing superstar! I even won a contest once, put on by McDonald's, for a speech I gave on what I wanted to be when I grew up. I think I was in the 3rd grade and I said that I wanted to be an actress, like Julia Roberts. I wanted nothing more in my younger days to see my name in big, bright lights.

I remember those dreams so clearly. I even remember the navy blue romper I wore to give that speech. I remember singing songs in the lines for rides at Disneyworld, hoping that some record exec might have his kids there and discover me. I remeber begging my mom to move to Nashville with me to help me pursue my career (hey, Britney's mom moved to Florida with her so she could get her start!).

One day, you wake up and look into the face that looks so much like yours did when you dreamt those dreams, and you realize that all of the things that you had wanted; all of the biggest and brightest lights in the world, could never compare to watching that face dream.

As I watched my tiny dancer spin and twirl this afternoon, all I could think about was that there was no other life I'd rather be living. No other place in the world that I'd rather be.